Your Sensing Self

I think this was and is the hardest part for me. I have ignored listening to what my body has been yelling at me for as long as I can remember. As a high sensitive person, I have always been sensitive to pain, but I was also quiet about it. Even to this day my mother has no idea about some of the pain I was in. Many people might have seen the tears but that only covered some of the pain I was in.

Then a few years ago, I was so stressed that I was in serous danger but even I didn't know how bad. I thought I had a reasons for the signs my body was screaming at me. Chest pain, gas, headaches, cramps and more. I thought I was lactose intolerance, mother nature, and other things that people go through. 

When I walked away form that life, it all went away. It was all stress, fear, trauma and anger that even the tears I cried could not relieve. I tried so hard to do what I thought those around me wanted. I turned off listening to my body to make others happy. This left me in a lot of pain.

For a year, I have been trying to let go of all the pain and stress and try to listen to what my body is trying to tell me. I no longer have the screams, but I need to learn to listen to the whispers my body is doing. Even now, I am still learning to listen. 

In Elaine's workbook she has listed some points that we can do that will help us listen to what our bodies and minds are trying to say to us. I feel it is much like meditation where you listen within and not cutting everything off. I have been doing this and will continue.

From her workbook p. 22, 23:

1. Be in a place where you won't be disturbed.

2. Give your attention to the sensations.

3. Let your attention shift to whatever sensation is strongest in the moment.

4. Let whatever you are attending to change if it wants to.

5. Spend as much time as you want at this.

6. When you are done, acknowledge the self-healing power you have.

7. Make notes below of anything you especially noticed.

This is a big step to healing. 

Why Do I Feel So Different?

Here are some points that Elaine Aron would like us to remember:

1. Overstimulation means Overarousal. We all get overwhelmed whether we are HSP or not.

2. It's important to maintain an optimal level of arousal. We all need to find the center, not being underwhelmed or overwhelmed.

3. HPSs are more easily overaroused. Those of us who are HSPs are more aware of subtleties around us and therefor become overwhelmed more quickly.

4. Sensitivity is not our culture's ideal. The world is a high competitive and consumer-driven place to live. This is too high level of stimulation for HSPs.

5. HSPs are more affected than others by being raised in bad home environment. Depression or anxiety is not the basic trait of an HSP. We can be healed.

We have to speak up in defense of being Highly Sensitive, therefor we need to have answers when we have both inner and outer critics pointing out that we are not what the world thinks we should be. We are told that we are 'too sensitive', you are too shy, that we are always sad or not happy enough. There are many mislabeling we hear from others or even in our heads. So I am writing responses to some of  the mislabels.

Mislabel: "You are Not Happy enough!"

I can understand that you misunderstand my feelings because I do not have a smile on my face all the time, but this does not mean I am not happy. I am just in deep thought. I tend to process the information around me deeply and may have a serious look on my face.

Mislabel: "You are too emotional and should see someone about depression and go on meds."

 Depression and Anxiety are both chemical imbalance in the brain where being highly sensitive or sensory processing sensitivity is when the central nervous system processes extra information and is overwhelmed. This can be fixed by removing myself from the situation and will be better in a few hours where as depression last for days, weeks and longer. 

I hope this was helpful and maybe you to can write down some mislabels and answer them with words that are kind and explain who we really are.

Sensitivity?

"What exactly do I mean by sensitivity? HSPs are born with a trait that makes them aware of all kinds of subtle messages from outside and inside... It's that we process more deeply the information we receive.We like to reflect." page 2 of The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook, by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.

As I work through this workbook I will be sharing it here. This will be my journal and there will be some sensitive things being said, thought and felt. I want to share this with other HSP's and the book says that HSP's need to get to know each other and I thought this would be the best way to do this. I want to be open and not keep anything back.

The first thing that needs to be done is the self test that is on Elaine site. http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

By doing the test you will know if you to are HSP and if not, you have an idea what HSP is all about.

"The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook"

I saw a psychologist a few days ago and he feels that I do not need my medications any more. I have been on Cymbalta for almost 2 years. At the time I started it, I was in a lot of pain, both physically and mentally. I was anxious every day and it was getting worse. But even though my emotions were up and down, it was not depression that had me, but the events that were in my life.

I thought I had suffered depression off and on my whole life, but what I had read about it I knew it was not quite right. When evens in my life caused my emotions to be upset I would see a doctor. Most cases I was labeled depressed and once as Bi-polar. I am not saying I was not depressed for a time, but my emotions were not an illness. I am psychologically fine. This was an eye opener for me. I am fine. I am not sick. This makes me happy.

This also gives me the challenge of fighting for me. I am not crazy, a cry baby or an emotional basket case. I am an Highly Sensitive Person and I have rights. I have lost jobs because I am too emotional, not happy enough. The medication I am on does not work for me because meds for depression or anxiety are to balance the chemicals in your brain. I am chemically balanced.

As an HSP, it is the emotions we feel, it is the events that happen, it is the overwhelming sensories that I receive and the different way I process information around me that has me emotional. Now that I know this I have been working at adjusting my life to decrease the chances of becoming overwhelmed.

I am using "The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook" by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. I have been working with the book for about a month now but I feel that I should go through it again for now I know that I do not have depression on top of the HS. I am working with other books that I listed yesterday and want to share my thoughts and my lessons as I go through them.

I am aware not many people will be reading this. It really more like a journal so I might write stuff that some people might not like, but I will not be using real names. I will apologize now, but what I write is part of the healing and I have to heal.

Trying to Find Me Again

This past year I have tried to be me.
I have lost myself so many times over the years, trying to be what I thought "they" wanted me to be and failing on so many levels. I am going to continue to try doing things my way. This had not worked out for the business I tried to have, but I need to do things my way for my mental health.

A few of years ago I learned that I am an highly sensitive person. Not that I didn't know that I was sensitive. I knew, but I did not understand what it really meant. I did not connect the fact that I cried easily to the other sensors being sensitive to. I find that the sun is too bright, I have my screens of my different gadgets with the brightness turned down or even off. Perfumes, smokers, and the smell of bleach are some of the worst smells. I can do aromatherapy, as long as it is not too strong. The list goes on: but it is more than just my feeling being sensitive.

The last few months I have been working at accepting who I am and how to live with having a sensory processing sensitivity. I have had another set back and need to readjust my life again. I want to share all this with you. Mental Health is very important and I feel I lost a lot of years not knowing how to live with this. 

This is not anyone's fault. No one knew about people being highly sensitive until Elaine N. Aron's book, "The Highly Sensitive Person, How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You" come out in 1996. Even now many people do not know or do not believe that this is a trait that about 15% to 20% of people are born with. 

It was a few years ago when I was at about the worst part in my life with crying and emotional ups and downs I Googled, asking why I was crying all the time. This was when Elaine's site came up. I got the book and started reading it. It was not until the relationship ended  and I started a new life when I was able to really work on learning what I was and how to live with it.

I didn't realize how close to death I was. I want people to realize that you have to be yourself and that you need to do whatever it take to be happy. I left the relationship, my job and city to find what I have now. No, not everything is perfect. I still have stress, money issues and anxiety but at least I am not a tight ball of pain and illness.

A few months ago I realized that I was going right back to the old me. I was stressing out because I was not achieving what others were telling me I should be doing. I was working longs hours, worrying that I was failing again.

I picked up the book I listed above again and I am rereading it. I am working at not working so many hours and spending time with my family. I need to learn to do things that will keep me health. I am still finding out what I enjoy, my likes and dislikes. I am with someone who loves me and respects me and I love him. 

The other day I has another meltdown. The next day I saw a psychologist. He said I was fine. He said that he didn't think I needed to be on my meds. He saw that I was working with a workbook to learn how to live with being highly sensitive. 

When people see me, they do not understand what I am living with in my head, that even though I look 'normal' I think and process information around me differently.

Some days I am an emotional wreck. I have good days and bad, I cry at movies and even commercials, I cry when I am sad, happy, frustrated, angry, even when I don't know why.

I want to share with you the struggle of a person who in not disable, not mentally ill but is still struggling with emotions.

These are the books I am working with and I think them for the help I have had so far.

The Highly Sensitive Person

by Elaine N. Aron

The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook
by Elaine N. Aron

The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guideby Ted Zeff

The Highly Sensitive Person's Companion
 by Ted Zeff