Only a couple of days ago I ordered a book though a gift card I got and it got here in a matter of a few days. Yet a letter that was coming from Cambridge is not. Makes you wonder...
Anyways once I opened the book I realized I needed the other book to go with it. At least that one I could get through my Kobo Arc. SO I am starting a new workbook that I will be putting my answers here. And since I have so few people reading it I should not have any problems with people not liking it. These books are not about Highly Sensitive, but I think they will still help many who also have fears that they have to deal with.
The books are "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway." and "Fear The Fear.. And Beyond" both are by Susan Jeffers. There books were pointed out by my Sister-in-common-law. She was reading them and thought I could use it so I got them and will be doing the exercises here to share with those who might like to follow along.
The first one:
The fears the run my life are...
the fear that people do not like me (mostly close friends and family of those close to me)
the fear that I will mess up
the fear that I will do something that will make those who I love angry at me
the fear that I would fail again
the fear that I will be emotional in public
the fear that I am not smart enough, good enough
the fear that I will never be the real me
Ok that is a start and they are very deep to me so I hope you will not hold them against me.
Showing posts with label workbook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label workbook. Show all posts
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Returning to What You Dislike
Look at the list you made at the beginning, p. 33 of Elaine's workbook. We are going to go back to the list of things you didn't like about yourself. How do you feel about them now?
Write about how you see these dislikes of yours differently after working through the workbook. Do you accept your trait and understand who you are>
If you have made clear changes, accepted your trait, you are done. You have accepted who you are and happy being who you are. Congratulations it is time to celebrate.
After working through most of the workbook, I have not skipped too much, what I have not put up here I have done in my notebook. So why am I closing the book, well, for now I am done thought I might go back to it another time. I feel I have done all I can on this and I have other books that I would like to work with.
I feel I have grown and understand myself better from doing this workbook. I am stronger and I want to share with other what I have learned. I want to share with others that there are people like us in the world. I AM HSP, HEAR ME ROWER!
Write about how you see these dislikes of yours differently after working through the workbook. Do you accept your trait and understand who you are>
If you have made clear changes, accepted your trait, you are done. You have accepted who you are and happy being who you are. Congratulations it is time to celebrate.
After working through most of the workbook, I have not skipped too much, what I have not put up here I have done in my notebook. So why am I closing the book, well, for now I am done thought I might go back to it another time. I feel I have done all I can on this and I have other books that I would like to work with.
I feel I have grown and understand myself better from doing this workbook. I am stronger and I want to share with other what I have learned. I want to share with others that there are people like us in the world. I AM HSP, HEAR ME ROWER!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Telling the Story
When you have deep wounds it is best to write the story, not blaming anyone but just write what had happened. You need to stop feeling the hurt that is keeping you from moving on. People might not want to hear what you have to say. They may think that you are going on and on about it, but by talking about it or writing about it helps heal the pain. You are not a hero by keeping it all in. I should know, I have been keeping things in all my life. But then I started writing, it might have been fiction, but the pain that was in the stories are very real. By writing that gave me the courage to talk about it.
I now talk about it, but it has slowed down because my life now is a lot less painful. Because I have looked at the different traumas and wrote about it in my words I was able to move on. I am now with someone who does not have the bad traits I had found myself being with in the past. I have learned from looking at what had happened and working with this workbook. Letting go is not easy, but it is important to move on.
I now talk about it, but it has slowed down because my life now is a lot less painful. Because I have looked at the different traumas and wrote about it in my words I was able to move on. I am now with someone who does not have the bad traits I had found myself being with in the past. I have learned from looking at what had happened and working with this workbook. Letting go is not easy, but it is important to move on.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Reframing a Moment in your Relationship
This one will be the hardest and those who know me might not want to see what I was feeling or what I thought. I am sure if some of them read this I will be told that I am wrong or that I should not say anything. But these are my feeling and I think about it. I have to deal with them this way so that I can not make the same mistakes again.
The relationship I am reframing is one of the ones that I feel had done the worst damage. By doing so it will take care of the others also.
1. Anger, depression, frustration, anxiety, overwhelmed, lack of trust, pushed. Him angry at me. His calling me bitch when he was drunk and five minutes later wanting to get into bed with me and have sex like the rest didn't happen. Him loading me down with all his issues but not allowing me time to speak about anything I might think or feel. Him telling me that he had done things I had said no about, days after it happened. "Asking for forgiveness was easier than asking for permission."
2. I feel like I wasted five years being with him. I feel guilt for the harm that I caused all the children let alone myself. I am hurt that his children will have nothing to do with me after all the love I gave them. I am angry at myself for falling for his charm and staying as long as I did when I knew I had to leave. I am upset that I have let this anger stay inside me.
3. Because of the HSP's I tend to be motherly and I thought I could be a mother to his kids. Thinking that I could do this, I put my own hurt a side to be a mother to them, thinking love will heal all. I also though I deserved the bad relationship because I thought I had messed up my life so bad, not being able to keep a job or a relationship. Even when I learned that I was an HSP, it took over a year to leave because being in a bad relationship was safer then not knowing where I was going.
4. In, I think, more of my relationships, if I had known I was an HSP it might have either explained many things and would have made them last longer or ended quicker with less pain. With the last relationship if I had known about the HSP I would not have gotten into the relationship because I would have known that he was a drain on my emotions and my health. I would have seen that he really didn't care about my health or my feelings.
5. Letting my feel my emotions.
6. If I had known about the HSP then the relationship would not have happened. I would understand that most of my feelings were coming off of him and that there was no way I would have made him happy or would have been happy with him. I would not have gotten on the meds which I found out do not help for my emotions are my trait not a chemical imbalance. He is a narcissist and he is not willing to love me or anyone else that does not cater to him and him alone. The relationship was toxic and the end of it was not my fault but a necessity to my safety and well being.
The relationship I am reframing is one of the ones that I feel had done the worst damage. By doing so it will take care of the others also.
1. Anger, depression, frustration, anxiety, overwhelmed, lack of trust, pushed. Him angry at me. His calling me bitch when he was drunk and five minutes later wanting to get into bed with me and have sex like the rest didn't happen. Him loading me down with all his issues but not allowing me time to speak about anything I might think or feel. Him telling me that he had done things I had said no about, days after it happened. "Asking for forgiveness was easier than asking for permission."
2. I feel like I wasted five years being with him. I feel guilt for the harm that I caused all the children let alone myself. I am hurt that his children will have nothing to do with me after all the love I gave them. I am angry at myself for falling for his charm and staying as long as I did when I knew I had to leave. I am upset that I have let this anger stay inside me.
3. Because of the HSP's I tend to be motherly and I thought I could be a mother to his kids. Thinking that I could do this, I put my own hurt a side to be a mother to them, thinking love will heal all. I also though I deserved the bad relationship because I thought I had messed up my life so bad, not being able to keep a job or a relationship. Even when I learned that I was an HSP, it took over a year to leave because being in a bad relationship was safer then not knowing where I was going.
4. In, I think, more of my relationships, if I had known I was an HSP it might have either explained many things and would have made them last longer or ended quicker with less pain. With the last relationship if I had known about the HSP I would not have gotten into the relationship because I would have known that he was a drain on my emotions and my health. I would have seen that he really didn't care about my health or my feelings.
5. Letting my feel my emotions.
6. If I had known about the HSP then the relationship would not have happened. I would understand that most of my feelings were coming off of him and that there was no way I would have made him happy or would have been happy with him. I would not have gotten on the meds which I found out do not help for my emotions are my trait not a chemical imbalance. He is a narcissist and he is not willing to love me or anyone else that does not cater to him and him alone. The relationship was toxic and the end of it was not my fault but a necessity to my safety and well being.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Reframing a Critical Moment in my Work Place.
I am going to reframe a moment in my work, why I had to leave a job. So lets get right into it.
1. When I lost my job at the community centre I was feeling very anxious. I was very upset because I got a sign a few days before hand that they had an replacement for me. When I was brought in, I was told I was acting like a child because I was crying. I was angry that as a community they should be supportive of the people yet they were treating me the way they were.
2. I had always felt defeated about losing a job that I thought I liked. I thought I loved the job and it was a good fit just that the new manager didn't like me.
3. Now that I know about my HSP, I realize that the job was not all the healthy for me. If I had stayed with doing one or two f the jobs I would not have felt so overwhelmed. I might have been able to explain to the new manager why I was the way I am.
4. I think if I had known about the HSP, talking to the manager and being accused of not participating with the other would have been explained and maybe understand why I was the way I was.
5. is just allowing me to feel my feelings about the new look at the event.
6. As a community cantre I feel that they should have been much more supportive. But at the same time, no one understood what HSP was and how to deal with it. I think if I had known and was able to explain to the manager, I might have been about to keep some of the jobs.But some of the jobs were not the right fit for me and I would have been able to let them go without the feeling of not being good enough. If I had known about the HSP I think I would have been a benefit for the centre in understanding others who as also HSP.
1. When I lost my job at the community centre I was feeling very anxious. I was very upset because I got a sign a few days before hand that they had an replacement for me. When I was brought in, I was told I was acting like a child because I was crying. I was angry that as a community they should be supportive of the people yet they were treating me the way they were.
2. I had always felt defeated about losing a job that I thought I liked. I thought I loved the job and it was a good fit just that the new manager didn't like me.
3. Now that I know about my HSP, I realize that the job was not all the healthy for me. If I had stayed with doing one or two f the jobs I would not have felt so overwhelmed. I might have been able to explain to the new manager why I was the way I am.
4. I think if I had known about the HSP, talking to the manager and being accused of not participating with the other would have been explained and maybe understand why I was the way I was.
5. is just allowing me to feel my feelings about the new look at the event.
6. As a community cantre I feel that they should have been much more supportive. But at the same time, no one understood what HSP was and how to deal with it. I think if I had known and was able to explain to the manager, I might have been about to keep some of the jobs.But some of the jobs were not the right fit for me and I would have been able to let them go without the feeling of not being good enough. If I had known about the HSP I think I would have been a benefit for the centre in understanding others who as also HSP.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Analyzing Social Flops
If you are thinking that you are awkward in social situations think about why. There are a bunch of reasons why you might think you are but do they really fit or are you over-thinking as we tend to do. Here is the list of what might be going on according to Elaine's workbook p.124 -127.
* The other person didn't seem to want to talk to you.
* The other person didn't want to talk to anyone right now.
* It's you who really didn't want to talk.
* You just couldn't think of anything to say.
* You did all the talking.
* The other person did all the talking and you felt bored.
* The other person walked away after a while.
* The other person was rude, argumentative.
We are not big on chit chat for we love the deeper talk and that is what gives us a hard time when it comes to social get-togethers. There might be times that you might have not socialized as well as you thought you should have. My thought is not to worry about it. But maybe you feel you need to reframe it. Well as you saw in the other blogs, you can do that. I am trying not to worry about others might thing of my flops in social settings.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Your Sensing Self
I think this was and is the hardest part for me. I have ignored listening to what my body has been yelling at me for as long as I can remember. As a high sensitive person, I have always been sensitive to pain, but I was also quiet about it. Even to this day my mother has no idea about some of the pain I was in. Many people might have seen the tears but that only covered some of the pain I was in.
Then a few years ago, I was so stressed that I was in serous danger but even I didn't know how bad. I thought I had a reasons for the signs my body was screaming at me. Chest pain, gas, headaches, cramps and more. I thought I was lactose intolerance, mother nature, and other things that people go through.
When I walked away form that life, it all went away. It was all stress, fear, trauma and anger that even the tears I cried could not relieve. I tried so hard to do what I thought those around me wanted. I turned off listening to my body to make others happy. This left me in a lot of pain.
For a year, I have been trying to let go of all the pain and stress and try to listen to what my body is trying to tell me. I no longer have the screams, but I need to learn to listen to the whispers my body is doing. Even now, I am still learning to listen.
In Elaine's workbook she has listed some points that we can do that will help us listen to what our bodies and minds are trying to say to us. I feel it is much like meditation where you listen within and not cutting everything off. I have been doing this and will continue.
From her workbook p. 22, 23:
1. Be in a place where you won't be disturbed.
2. Give your attention to the sensations.
3. Let your attention shift to whatever sensation is strongest in the moment.
4. Let whatever you are attending to change if it wants to.
5. Spend as much time as you want at this.
6. When you are done, acknowledge the self-healing power you have.
7. Make notes below of anything you especially noticed.
This is a big step to healing.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Why Do I Feel So Different?
Here are some points that Elaine Aron would like us to remember:
1. Overstimulation means Overarousal. We all get overwhelmed whether we are HSP or not.
2. It's important to maintain an optimal level of arousal. We all need to find the center, not being underwhelmed or overwhelmed.
3. HPSs are more easily overaroused. Those of us who are HSPs are more aware of subtleties around us and therefor become overwhelmed more quickly.
4. Sensitivity is not our culture's ideal. The world is a high competitive and consumer-driven place to live. This is too high level of stimulation for HSPs.
5. HSPs are more affected than others by being raised in bad home environment. Depression or anxiety is not the basic trait of an HSP. We can be healed.
We have to speak up in defense of being Highly Sensitive, therefor we need to have answers when we have both inner and outer critics pointing out that we are not what the world thinks we should be. We are told that we are 'too sensitive', you are too shy, that we are always sad or not happy enough. There are many mislabeling we hear from others or even in our heads. So I am writing responses to some of the mislabels.
Mislabel: "You are Not Happy enough!"
I can understand that you misunderstand my feelings because I do not have a smile on my face all the time, but this does not mean I am not happy. I am just in deep thought. I tend to process the information around me deeply and may have a serious look on my face.
Mislabel: "You are too emotional and should see someone about depression and go on meds."
Depression and Anxiety are both chemical imbalance in the brain where being highly sensitive or sensory processing sensitivity is when the central nervous system processes extra information and is overwhelmed. This can be fixed by removing myself from the situation and will be better in a few hours where as depression last for days, weeks and longer.
I hope this was helpful and maybe you to can write down some mislabels and answer them with words that are kind and explain who we really are.
1. Overstimulation means Overarousal. We all get overwhelmed whether we are HSP or not.
2. It's important to maintain an optimal level of arousal. We all need to find the center, not being underwhelmed or overwhelmed.
3. HPSs are more easily overaroused. Those of us who are HSPs are more aware of subtleties around us and therefor become overwhelmed more quickly.
4. Sensitivity is not our culture's ideal. The world is a high competitive and consumer-driven place to live. This is too high level of stimulation for HSPs.
5. HSPs are more affected than others by being raised in bad home environment. Depression or anxiety is not the basic trait of an HSP. We can be healed.
We have to speak up in defense of being Highly Sensitive, therefor we need to have answers when we have both inner and outer critics pointing out that we are not what the world thinks we should be. We are told that we are 'too sensitive', you are too shy, that we are always sad or not happy enough. There are many mislabeling we hear from others or even in our heads. So I am writing responses to some of the mislabels.
Mislabel: "You are Not Happy enough!"
I can understand that you misunderstand my feelings because I do not have a smile on my face all the time, but this does not mean I am not happy. I am just in deep thought. I tend to process the information around me deeply and may have a serious look on my face.
Mislabel: "You are too emotional and should see someone about depression and go on meds."
Depression and Anxiety are both chemical imbalance in the brain where being highly sensitive or sensory processing sensitivity is when the central nervous system processes extra information and is overwhelmed. This can be fixed by removing myself from the situation and will be better in a few hours where as depression last for days, weeks and longer.
I hope this was helpful and maybe you to can write down some mislabels and answer them with words that are kind and explain who we really are.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Sensitivity?
"What exactly do I mean by sensitivity? HSPs are born with a trait that makes them aware of all kinds of subtle messages from outside and inside... It's that we process more deeply the information we receive.We like to reflect." page 2 of The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook, by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.
As I work through this workbook I will be sharing it here. This will be my journal and there will be some sensitive things being said, thought and felt. I want to share this with other HSP's and the book says that HSP's need to get to know each other and I thought this would be the best way to do this. I want to be open and not keep anything back.
The first thing that needs to be done is the self test that is on Elaine site. http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm
By doing the test you will know if you to are HSP and if not, you have an idea what HSP is all about.
As I work through this workbook I will be sharing it here. This will be my journal and there will be some sensitive things being said, thought and felt. I want to share this with other HSP's and the book says that HSP's need to get to know each other and I thought this would be the best way to do this. I want to be open and not keep anything back.
The first thing that needs to be done is the self test that is on Elaine site. http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm
By doing the test you will know if you to are HSP and if not, you have an idea what HSP is all about.
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