Why I Write

Homework for the Effective Writer course

I writing for a number of reasons even though I may not be good at it. Because of my learning disability, when I was in grade school, I was not able to write the words dancing around in my head. I was a very quiet girl who sat in the corner of a class room and kept all my thoughts to myself. My mother tried to get me to use the computer, but I fought her. Computers where not a household thing at the time and I had no idea how much it would have changed my life. It was not until I was on my own with my two small children that I really started writing. At first it was poems and short stories. I even wrote a children's book called, "Christine's Ducks." I found that the words I could not speak would flow down my arms, though my fingers, and were typed out across the screen.The words were not my own, but from a much deeper voice in my head that was only heard through my writing or dreams; my inner child who was so quiet. I enjoy seeing the unspeakable words, come alive on the screen. The child who could not speak was now writing the stories and feelings that swirled so deeply in my mind. I soon found a site where many writers gathered each year to write 50000 words in 30 days. The rush and feeling of pride I felt each time I would beat that time frame gave me some of the positive awards that I needed in my life. I was never wanting to be known to write only one genre of writing. Though I do have a story that has been said I stack bodies like cords of wood and I have been stuck writing only fantasy for the last few years with a bit of what I call hack and slash, I do write romance and have put together a mini comic book. This year I am planning to write a ghost story.The voices (characters) have been talking to me so that their story can be heard. As you have read, even though I might have problems with the grammar part of writing, I write to bring out my inner child so the stories that are deep inside can get out.

No Work

I have been working for a while and I do not take a day off because I am always doing something. Well today I am taking time off. I will not be writing a blog, but will add some pictures of the lavender farm I went to this morning thanks to my wonderful sweetheart. The farm was a tobacco farm and it is now lavender and wine. I wonder if they make lavender wine? Will have to check that out.

Chapter 6: Work and Sensitivity

This is one of the reasons I needed to do this workbook. Being HSP I have had a really hard time finding where I fit. School was bad but I learned later that home school would have been a better fit for me. But that was not how it went and I have moved past that now. 

One of the hard things is that I have been told what I should be or do. I try to do the jobs I am told to do. I try to be what other want me to be, only to lose the jobs. It is hard to find a job that I am good at and pays. 

So I tried to start my own business. It was doing what I enjoy doing and maybe make a paycheck that I could live on. It did not work. At this time I am not making much, but I am OK with that. I still enjoy making the jewelry.

I had spent a lot of time in jobs that I was not happy in, I have special abilities and needs that makes me looked at and treated differently. I was let go for being too slow or not being happy enough. I was not really slow, I just processed things differently and took in too much at times. And not being happy. No matter how hard I tried I could not put a fake smile on my face. I looked like Sheldon on Big Bang Theory. I was never understood, but I didn't understand either.

In Elaine's workbook, page 140, she said that, "Our trait is basically a 'human diversity in the workplace' issue"... "Biologically, we HSPs are different." People like us for out creativity, vision, vigilance for errors and many other things. But once our other side starts to show, the overwhelming we feel, that we need some down time, we feel like we are being discriminated against. 

"Someday we will be valued." I would like to believe Elaine. I hope in time people will see the value of the information we have such as how to make an office space more quiet or the need for all worker to de-stress. 

But until the workplace changes, I will always have problems in the workplace. However, the first task is to appreciate myself as an HSP and teach others to appreciate my sensitivity.