Chapter 7: Close Relationships

Having relationships is part of life, whether it is just friends or a more closer relationship. As a HSP in a non-HSP world, it is hard not to have to have contact with non-HSP. But what is better for a closer relationship?

 

I never knew any of this until the last year so all my relationships were without the thought about my HSP. I think this has made things harder. I did not understand that I had pushed myself so hard to be like a non-HSP. This does not work out at all. You need to know yourself, you know that saying, love yourself before loving others. I was never good at that. 

I know see that you need to know and love yourself as an HSP so that you know what your limits are and how you can blend in with others whether they are HSP's or non. My children are also HSP and living with them most of the time is great, they do not want the loud world in our home. They are calmer most of the time. There are the meltdowns, when one gets overwhelmed then it can spread to the rest and the whole house is upset.

The big thing is to look at temperaments of each. If one is more out going or needs more thrills in their life, they might not work well with someone who is calmer. But if there is love, sometimes things can work out. There are always a group who go out and do things that are common and come home to their loving partner for some quiet time. It is a matter of balance and understanding each other. 

Sometimes though, it just not works out. You need to look at whether this is due to the past relationships on yours or their side of things. If you feel that past relationships are hindering you relationship now, maybe there is a little reframing to do. We have been doing reframing for a bit now so you might want to give it a try on your own. 

I plan to put mine up tomorrow.

No Work

I have been working for a while and I do not take a day off because I am always doing something. Well today I am taking time off. I will not be writing a blog, but will add some pictures of the lavender farm I went to this morning thanks to my wonderful sweetheart. The farm was a tobacco farm and it is now lavender and wine. I wonder if they make lavender wine? Will have to check that out.

Reframing a Critical Moment in my Work Place.

I am going to reframe a moment in my work, why I had to leave a job. So lets get right into it.

1. When I lost my job at the community centre I was feeling very anxious. I was very upset because I got a sign a few days before hand that they had an replacement for me. When I was brought in, I was told I was acting like a child because I was crying. I was angry that as a community they should be supportive of the people yet they were treating me the way they were.

2. I had always felt defeated about losing a job that I thought I liked. I thought I loved the job and it was a good fit just that the new manager didn't like me.

3. Now that I know about my HSP, I realize that the job was not all the healthy for me. If I had stayed with doing one or two f the jobs I would not have felt so overwhelmed. I might have been able to explain to the new manager why I was the way I am.

4. I think if I had known about the HSP, talking to the manager and being accused of not participating with the other would have been explained and maybe understand why I was the way I was.

5. is just allowing me to feel my feelings about the new look at the event.

6. As a community cantre I feel that they should have been much more supportive. But at the same time, no one understood what HSP was and how to deal with it. I think if I had known and was able to explain to the manager, I might have been about to keep some of the jobs.But some of the jobs were not the right fit for me and I would have been able to let them go without the feeling of not being good enough. If I had known about the HSP I think I would have been a benefit for the centre in understanding others who as also HSP.

Writing a Letter

One of the hardest thing for me is to sell myself for make my talents in an interview or even in casual conversation. But when looking for work or job change you need to write a cover letter or bring a few things to their attention. So I thought I would give it a try and share it with you.

I would bring a few assets to this position with my experience in running my own business. Many have noticed I have a sensitivity to subtitle changes in the environment around me which helps with the wants and needs of my customers. I am work well independently and dislike making errors. I take special care in understanding what the customer wants and have a good eye for detail.

I enjoy taking my time in learning new technics and thinking out side the box. I find that maximizing this sensitivity requires a certain amount of calmness in the work place which then pays off by the quality of work. I am open to ideas and loyal when I feel that I fit in with the other employees.

OK, this might not be the best cover letter, but you might get the idea here. I hope this helps with others who are HSP have an idea what to write for theirs.

Chapter 6: Work and Sensitivity

This is one of the reasons I needed to do this workbook. Being HSP I have had a really hard time finding where I fit. School was bad but I learned later that home school would have been a better fit for me. But that was not how it went and I have moved past that now. 

One of the hard things is that I have been told what I should be or do. I try to do the jobs I am told to do. I try to be what other want me to be, only to lose the jobs. It is hard to find a job that I am good at and pays. 

So I tried to start my own business. It was doing what I enjoy doing and maybe make a paycheck that I could live on. It did not work. At this time I am not making much, but I am OK with that. I still enjoy making the jewelry.

I had spent a lot of time in jobs that I was not happy in, I have special abilities and needs that makes me looked at and treated differently. I was let go for being too slow or not being happy enough. I was not really slow, I just processed things differently and took in too much at times. And not being happy. No matter how hard I tried I could not put a fake smile on my face. I looked like Sheldon on Big Bang Theory. I was never understood, but I didn't understand either.

In Elaine's workbook, page 140, she said that, "Our trait is basically a 'human diversity in the workplace' issue"... "Biologically, we HSPs are different." People like us for out creativity, vision, vigilance for errors and many other things. But once our other side starts to show, the overwhelming we feel, that we need some down time, we feel like we are being discriminated against. 

"Someday we will be valued." I would like to believe Elaine. I hope in time people will see the value of the information we have such as how to make an office space more quiet or the need for all worker to de-stress. 

But until the workplace changes, I will always have problems in the workplace. However, the first task is to appreciate myself as an HSP and teach others to appreciate my sensitivity.

Analyzing Social Flops

If you are thinking that you are awkward in social situations think about why. There are a bunch of reasons why you might think you are but do they really fit or are you over-thinking as we tend to do. Here is the list of what might be going on according to Elaine's workbook p.124 -127.

* The other person didn't seem to want to talk to you.

* The other person didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

* It's you who really didn't want to talk.

* You just couldn't think of anything to say.

* You did all the talking.

* The other person did all the talking and you felt bored.

* The other person walked away after a while.

* The other person was rude, argumentative.

We are not big on chit chat for we love the deeper talk and that is what gives us a hard time when it comes to social get-togethers. There might be times that you might have not socialized as well as you thought you should have. My thought is not to worry about it. But maybe you feel you need to reframe it. Well as you saw in the other blogs, you can do that. I am trying not to worry about others might thing of my flops in social settings. 

Chapter 5: In the Social World

I am part of the 70% introvert HSP. I really never thought about it that much, I just lived my life. But looking back I see that I was more in than out. I had no trouble staying in and reading or learning something on my own. But I didn't keep myself from going out when I was asked to go out or if I needed to go out. I had used my 'bubble' and just did what needed or wanted to get done and socialized with the people I was with. 

OK, I didn't realize that I had been seen as 'unfriendly' because I just going on doing what I was, protecting myself from being overwhelmed. I do not see myself as being withdrawn from the world, just not being a big part of the world outside my home. There is more then enough to do inside to try to run around outside getting that stuff done to.

Maybe some of the things from my past has something to so with my "shyness" such as what I had written yesterday. I am told not to worry about what others think about me, and as you know, being HSP, it is hard not to feel what people think about you so it is just as easy not to be around people so that I do not have to feel that. Sometimes it is hard to avoid having to talk to people that give off the feeling that they just do not like you. I try to avoid talking to them as much as possible.

So what do you do to get yourself out of being shy.

Well, first of all, stop labeling yourself or let anyone else label you as shy. Remember that we need to protect ourselves from being overwhelmed when we are 'out' in the world. And for me, the big one is that you need to stop expecting yourself in being like a non-HSP who is an extrovert. Love and Accept who and what you are. That is what I am learning.