Why I Write

Homework for the Effective Writer course

I writing for a number of reasons even though I may not be good at it. Because of my learning disability, when I was in grade school, I was not able to write the words dancing around in my head. I was a very quiet girl who sat in the corner of a class room and kept all my thoughts to myself. My mother tried to get me to use the computer, but I fought her. Computers where not a household thing at the time and I had no idea how much it would have changed my life. It was not until I was on my own with my two small children that I really started writing. At first it was poems and short stories. I even wrote a children's book called, "Christine's Ducks." I found that the words I could not speak would flow down my arms, though my fingers, and were typed out across the screen.The words were not my own, but from a much deeper voice in my head that was only heard through my writing or dreams; my inner child who was so quiet. I enjoy seeing the unspeakable words, come alive on the screen. The child who could not speak was now writing the stories and feelings that swirled so deeply in my mind. I soon found a site where many writers gathered each year to write 50000 words in 30 days. The rush and feeling of pride I felt each time I would beat that time frame gave me some of the positive awards that I needed in my life. I was never wanting to be known to write only one genre of writing. Though I do have a story that has been said I stack bodies like cords of wood and I have been stuck writing only fantasy for the last few years with a bit of what I call hack and slash, I do write romance and have put together a mini comic book. This year I am planning to write a ghost story.The voices (characters) have been talking to me so that their story can be heard. As you have read, even though I might have problems with the grammar part of writing, I write to bring out my inner child so the stories that are deep inside can get out.

Writing Activity

Underlining the Subjects of my sentences.

1. The cat ate the snack.
2. The sun shone through the window.
3. The birds sang and flew around the cage.
4. The cat watched the birds.
5. The birds squawked at the cat.

1. She ate the snacks.
2. She shone through the window.

Action verbs
1. The cat licked the snack.
2. The birds hopped around the cadge.
3. The cat spied the birds.

What Grade is This?

So I have been taking some courses and I should have been putting some of my stuff on here, but for the last two months I have not been feeling all that great. I have been working on the self-esteem thing and really didn't find them all the helpful. So I just let my depression take over until I had a meltdown and started looking for help. This time I am going to get all my thoughts and feeling out.
I have decided that the best thing for me to do is get right back to writing but I want to do a whole bunch of courses before I get right down and write again. With my learning disabilities I realize that will never be as poetic as any or the master and I will be lucky if I will get a publisher to pay for anything I write, but I do have some things to say and if I have to give away the first few things, then so be it. But I will learn what I can and I am taking courses that should improve my writing and broaden what I can write about. I am learning quiet a bit.
One of the courses I am taking is Crafting an Effective Writer. The first week was just an introduction to on line learning and all the stuff on being a good student, like the first day of school. This week we are going into the school work. And I am learning all about nouns and pronouns and adjectives. They want to to have a journal to write in so that I can go back and study. They seam to think on line journaling is good and since I had this site started before I thought, what the heck, I will do my school work here. So here I go:

Ten Nouns:                     Verbs:
cat                                     cries
Kit Kat                               sleeps
chair                                   falls
doll                                     sits
desk                                   broke
drink                                  warmed
teapot                                cooled
Smokey                             meows
box                                   fell
rug                                    flips

Ten Adjectives                   adverbs:
young                                  loudly
fluffy                                    sofly
wooden                               quickly
old                                      slowly
broken                                 briskly
hot                                       friendly
small                                    angerly
dirty                                    lightly
soft                                      very
wet

I will be adding the writing assignments to and maybe lessons from other classes I am taking.

Not 'Feel the Fear' but Social Psychology

I was going to start working on the "Feel the Fear" books after taking the day off on Sunday, but I got an email from a course I am taking in what I thought was two weeks saying that I could start it now so I did. At this time I am about over half of the videos watched and some reading done. There are many that looks like they are done. I love school and this course is going to be hard for me. But that does not mean I will not enjoy it. Oh and by the way, it is Social Psychology. I want to be in the 90s so that I get the chance to go to Stafford University and meet the Dali Lama. That would be sooooo cool. 

So all morning when I usually read emails and Facebook and do my blogging I was sitting in class (at home starting at the computer) watching my lectures and doing quizzes. I copied my reading assignment onto my Kobo so that I could read it when I had to make a trip out this afternoon. Now I have to get back and finish all the lectures so I can start doing my assignment. 
Ok so I will have almost three weeks to do it in but I have been one that likes to get things done right away or else I will wait until the last minute. Being only the first week, I am already learning so much about the way we see and think about things. As I take this course, I have to remember that being HSP I do think different, because of my LD I learn different and I might come out with different ideas and answers because of these. Maybe as I do this you will see a change in my thinking to, who knows.
So my plan is to share with you my assignments and my thoughts as I take this class and maybe add some of the book I was going to share with you, depending on how hard this class will be. From what I see it is not going to be a walk in the park, that is for sure.

Feel the Fear

Only a couple of days ago I ordered a book though a gift card I got and it got here in a matter of a few days. Yet a letter that was coming from Cambridge is not. Makes you wonder...
Anyways once I opened the book I realized I needed the other book to go with it. At least that one I could get through my Kobo Arc. SO I am starting a new workbook that I will be putting my answers here. And since I have so few people reading it I should not have any problems with people not liking it. These books are not about Highly Sensitive, but I think they will still help many who also have fears that they have to deal with.

The books are "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway." and "Fear The Fear.. And Beyond" both are by Susan Jeffers. There books were pointed out by my Sister-in-common-law. She was reading them and thought I could use it so I got them and will be doing the exercises here to share with those who might like to follow along.

The first one:

The fears the run my life are...

the fear that people do not like me (mostly close friends and family of those close to me)
the fear that I will mess up
the fear that I will do something that will make those who I love angry at me
the fear that I would fail again
the fear that I will be emotional in public
the fear that I am not smart enough, good enough
the fear that I will never be the real me

Ok that is a start and they are very deep to me so I hope you will not hold them against me.

Returning to What You Dislike

Look at the list you made at the beginning, p. 33 of Elaine's workbook. We are going to go back to the list of things you didn't like about yourself. How do you feel about them now?

Write about how you see these dislikes of yours differently after working through the workbook. Do you accept your trait and understand who you are>

If you have made clear changes, accepted your trait, you are done. You have accepted who you are and happy being who you are. Congratulations it is time to celebrate.

After working through most of the workbook, I have not skipped too much, what I have not put up here I have done in my notebook. So why am I closing the book, well, for now I am done thought I might go back to it another time. I feel I have done all I can on this and I have other books that I would like to work with.

I feel I have grown and understand myself better from doing this workbook. I am stronger and I want to share with other what I have learned. I want to share with others that there are people like us in the world. I AM HSP, HEAR ME ROWER!

Medical care and Medication

Elaine's workbook said that "less than 10 percent of medical doctors are HSP and at least 45 percent of office visits are made by HSP" page, 213. Most of the trips I made has been because of stress related issues but have been called everything from Bipolar to anxiety. At the time I had no idea that my sensitivity was more part to what I was going through and I have been put on different medications I was not sure I really needed even thought I had these labels.

I found myself overwhelmed with these labels and medications and they did not seam to help. Oh the last one did help clear the head a bit, but just about anything would when you were in tears every day because of the events that were happening on a daily bases. I was not depressed, it was not a chemical thing when someone is saying nasty things every day. They were not me thinking of the past of what was said, they were being said daily.

He wanted me to go on medication in hope that it would control my feelings but it only calmed my mind enough to realize that I needed to leave. No one should even be treated the way I was letting myself being treated.

Now I am fighting to get off the medication I have been on for two years. While I was on it I thought it was helping. I was not as emotional as much but I was still having anxiety. As I was reading about being HSP and realized that the medication was not really doing anything. I was not really going through anxiety. I need to learn the differences of being anxious or being overwhelmed. My moods are doing great for I am not in a bad situation and my life is much more relaxed. I have been the one that was doing all the work.

Now it is about getting off the medication and to make sure that people listen to me. I am HSP, not Bipolar or depressed or anxious. No medication that helps with the chemical imbalance is going to help something that I am born with and is the sensitivity of my nervous system.

So I am continue to learn to stay healthier without the medication I am fighting to get out of my body now. I am using gentler treatments that will help me such as doing mediation every morning. This gives me a calmer start in my morning so I am not just jumping up and starting my day on a run. I have never smoked or done street drugs, though what I have gone through getting off the legal drug has not been fun, I hardly drink and love the mock drinks better. I cooking most of my foods from scratch so my body is not leaded down with crap.

Now it is learning how to talk to the doctor about it so that I never have to be put on the medication any more. I need to learn how to explain that I am healthy and the emotions I show are who I am, not some chemical imbalance. I am fine, I am healthy and for the first time in more years then I can think of I am happy.