I will be reframing a small part of my past, a change that had happened. Change is hard on people who are HSP. It does not mean we do not like change or that we think change is a bad thing. We do need more time to get use to the change, to take in all the information and sort out our feelings. We take out time to get use to the idea of what the changes are.
Unfortunately others sees us as resistant to change, afraid, unwilling. But this only add to the overwhelming feelings we have to deal with as and after the change. I was able to adjust quite easily with change for I was raised in the military and had to move about some. I really do not remember moving as being any more stressful as it was part of normal part of life.
The Life Event:
I was working in the back at work, receiving the truck with the other, which means we were unpacking boxes and sorting all the merchandise. I had to make a decisions on what I was going to do. Did I want to stay in the city with this same job, or move back to Cambridge? Did I keep this job or do I look for a full time job? I could move away completely and give up any friends or connections I had in the city, including the employment center that could help me find a better job. I would have to get involved with social assistants and low income living. Chances where that Social assistance would want me to try to get child support. I was loving at a shelter and knew I had to make a decision soon and sort out my life. A very close friend said that I could move in with him to so I had to think about that to.
I was very upset with my ex who had called me that morning. I was upset with the manager who was doing everything she could to get me to leave my job. I was in pain and stressed out so much that I didn't know which way I was going. I was crying and I knew everyone was wondering what was wrong. I went to the office and told them that I was leaving, leaving the job, leaving the city.
The only bad feelings I have about that day was the manager was not helpful in any way. She wanted me gone and she got her way. She was not supportive and wanted me to go beyond what a person can do. I felt forced to keep a job that was not a good fit and added to the stress.
What I know now is that I was overwhelmed with all the changes that was happening all at once. I was doing too much, too fast. Even though I was trying hard to keep the job, the job was not the right fit for me or for who I am. The overwhelming stress and pressure is not good for my health. The push I was getting from the manager and my ex was causing more stress and caused part of the emotional breakdown. I should have taking time away from work to sort things out and should not have talked to my ex at all. But I feel that the decision I made at the end is still the right one.
If I had known more about the HSP before that day, I would have looked for someone I could talk to about what to do about my job. I would have either looked for a better fitting job or found a way to make the manager understand that her pushing was causing a lot of stress.
I am a highly sensitive person and now realized that I need to make people understand that there are some things that I am not comfortable being forced to do. I force myself to work harder and cause stress to myself to. I need to be easier on me and my sensitivity. I am not weak, but am harder on myself than anyone else.
Summary of Reframing from page 29 of workbok..
1. Recall how you responded to the event.
2. Recall how you have tended to feel about that response.
3. Consider your response in the light of what you know about your trait.
4. Think about whether the negative parts of the event might have been avoiding or would have gone differently if you or others had known you were HSP and had made adjustment for that.
5. If this knowledge would have prevented your suffering or wasting a portion of your life, taking time to feel whatever you feel about that.
6. Write down your new understanding of the event and read it over often until you have absorbed the full meaning of it.
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